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Healthy jealousy in relationships

Jealousy is a problem couples often face in the relationships. It is an emotional state that points to negative feelings and of lack of self-confidence, panic and worry over a projected loss of love or relationship. It often involves various feelings such as rage, sorrow, disgust, and insecurity. Jealousy can take on varying degrees and severity. For some couples a big issue demands treatment or it may cause suffering to both partners and have a negative effect even on a future relationships. However, jealousy can be controlled.

Stages of jealousy

Cute jealousy is something people often refer to as “normal jealousy”. This is a completely innocent kind of jealousy that cannot cause any harm. A good example of cute jealousy is when one partner feels a bit disturbed if the other partner wants to go out to a strip bar or talks about the attractiveness of a third person.

Healthy jealousy is based upon a concern of the other partner’s well-being. For example, partners would not enjoy seeing another person flirting with their significant others.

Obsessive jealousy is a stage in which problems arise. Partners may question loyalty of other partner; they might easily turn to rage or physical force. In some cases, it may even end up as a crime of passion.

Causes of jealousy

Jealousy is sometimes connected with experiences from the past. A jealous person might have already been cheated on or it may be a product of habit, if the person was unfaithful in the past. However, the most relevant cause of jealousy in people is psychological. It is based upon one’s issues with self-confidence. A jealous partner may often feel like they are not good enough for the other and thus feel constantly endangered by the possibility of being left alone.

It is important to learn to control jealousy because it destroys the essential thing every human relationship needs: Trust. Restricting a partner’s behaviors equals admitting distrust. Jealous relationships may easily become hard to control. Partners may spend hours and hours thinking up scenarios of what could be happening, rather than spending time together and enjoy it.

Controlling jealousy

It is important to learn from one’s past experiences. Jealous partners should analyze behavior from past relationships and detect which things caused troubles.

Partners should learn to deal with reality. Imagination should not dictate a healthy person’s life.

Jealous partners should make an effort to respect themselves. They should embrace a feeling of deserving that person and understand that a partner chose them for their own reasons.  

Consulting others might also be good idea. A neutral party’s perspective is free from affection and thus more rational.

Making some simple rules and guidelines early on should help both partners understand what is acceptable and what not for another.

Taking control over the emotions is vital not just to fight jealousy but also to preserve a healthy relationship. Whether a partner cheated or not, one should know how to approach the subject and avoid irrational confrontations.

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