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Baby fever seems to be something that almost exclusively "infects" women, despite the fact that the majority of men is extremely happy to be fathers. Many couples encounter a stage in their relationship where the female partner is more than ready to start trying to conceive, but the man is apprehensive. Perhaps he wants to wait just a little longer, sort out those credit card debts, buy a house first... perhaps he wants everything to be perfect first, or perhaps he is just scared. Does this story sound familiar to you? How do you cope when your partner does not want to try to conceive, but you do?


Of course, attempting to pressure your partner into having a baby when he is not ready yet is a bad idea all around. But if you feel this burning, sometimes almost all-encompassing wish to have a baby, your relationship might suffer if you just stop talking about it after your partner says, "not yet". So talk about your relationship, why you love each other, and about your baby wish. Don't pressurize, but don't keep in those important feelings, either. Why doesn't your partner feel ready to have a baby? Is it that he (and here, I talk about men exclusively, because that is the most common scenario) never wants children? Is it because he feels strongly about improving your financial situation first, or get a better house? Does he just not "feel" it yet, but might later? Understanding his reasons might make things easier for you, and it also makes him feel validated. His opinion matters just as much, after all.


If your partner does want kids, but just not yet, making concrete plans for the future may help. When do you both feel you can start trying to get pregnant? Can you plan ahead, and perhaps even set an exact date to ditch the birth control? Planning ahead makes both of you feel better the partner who wants a baby knows it will happen in the future, and the one who doesn't knows his feelings are respected.

Talk to like-minded women

There are plenty of online discussion boards where women talking about their wish to get pregnant, and how they cope with their partner not wanting to yet. We can recommend our own forums, but any place where women discuss these issues gives you the opportunity to vent, grieve, and have hope.

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