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There is a reason why many women wait for their first trimester of pregnancy to pass before they make the announcement they are expecting. Miscarriages are most likely to occur in the first twelve weeks, and if you have a miscarriage that everyone knows about, it is hard to avoid hurtful comments. This is a Top 10 of horrible comments women get after a miscarriage.

"You can always try again." This might just be the most popular bad comment moms get after a miscarriage. It might seem like a neutral thing to see to a grieving mother, but remember that she doesn't want to have to try to conceive again; she wants to still be pregnant with the baby she was expecting. "There was probably something wrong with the baby." Indeed, many miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities or a general incompatibility with life. But this is not the right thing to say to someone who just lost her baby. "It wasn't the ideal time to have a baby anyway." Women whose pregnancy was unplanned get this comment a lot. It's hurtful because the baby was most likely extremely wanted, even if it was not the ideal time. If the "lack of ideal timing" of a pregnancy means that the woman who miscarried will now not try to get pregnant again, this comment is like rubbing salty into fresh wounds. "It must be because..." followed by some suggestion like, because you were under a lot of stress, because you smoked before you found out before you were pregnant, or because you didn't take folic acid. Just don't say things like this. It is obvious why such remarks are extremely hurtful. "It's for the best." Again, steer well clear of this comment. "You are too young/too old to have a baby", or "You have too many kids anyway". These sentences, and any variation of them, are just wrong. "Be grateful for the children you do have." That doesn't help, does it? "You can always have IVF!" This was said to me after my second miscarriage. It was totally insulting. Don't say this, especially to women who suffered multiple miscarriages. "Miscarriages are normal." Yes, they are. And so is grief. "Maybe nature is trying to tell you something." No, no, no.

So, what do you say to someone who just lost a baby? I am so sorry would be a good start. And actually, just leave it there.

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