Parents, Children and the AttachmentTheory
Since the moment we are born, if the situations are ideal, our parents love us and take good care of us. These do not have to be biological parents, since any caring person may be our caregiver and provider when we are small and incapable of taking care of ourselves. As we grow older, we are attached to the same people who we have grew up with, keeping these bonds strong for our entire lifetime. Also, when we are children who trust their parents and believe in their love and devotions, we can manage to be left on our own for a while since we know our parents will be back for us because they love us and cannot live without us.
However, this is not always so. Namely, there are children who have doubts in their parents' love and devotion and do not trust them at all, let alone feel secured in their presence. These children usually develop a, so called, avoidant personality disorder. As the name itself may suggest, these children refuse to spend time with their parents or caregivers and tent do avoid them since they do not feel the warmth and support when spending time with them. In order to understand this problem better, you are best to read the remainder of this article aswell.
The Onset of the Problem
If you want to know how a child develops this personality disorder, the answer is quite simple – during traumatic disappointments in childhood. Namely, the child may have wanted support and love at some point, the parents did not react or reacted wrongly, making the child lose faith in them and face the fact that he/she cannot count on the parents anymore, avoiding them later. This may be due to parental negligence, wrong parenting techniques or some other reasons. However, once a child loses faith in his/her parents, this feeling is hard to be restored due to the development of the avoidant personality disorder in the child's mind.
Moreover, as these children grow up, there is a high likelihood that the avoidant personality disorder will remain with them. Thus, they will be incapable of forming loving relationships, or even indulging into emotional ones. Rather, these people will be prone to occasional sex without any obligations or attachments whatsoever. They will go through life with this lack of emotions all due to the lack of love and affection during childhood.
Thus, this is to be treated during childhood for maximum effectiveness. If you notice your child growing cold towards you, seek professional advice or help and deal with this problem as soon as possible.
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