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Gay men can become fathers too. If you are part of a loving couple and you would like to add a child to your family, making it happen is just a little more tricky than it is for straight couples, and even lesbian couples. What are the options available to gay men to become fathers, and what are the advantages and disadvantages of these options? Exploring this is an important step on the road to fatherhood. With some perseverance and patience, you can definitely make your dreams come true!


Adoption is still the most obvious way in which gay couples can become fathers. In the United States, some states are open to same-sex couples adopting children, while others are not. Those states that prohibit adoption of children by gay-couples may still allow single parent adoptions. That means that gay couples can sometimes adopt children even in states that are not supportive of same-sex couples adopting, if they approach it as a single parent adoption instead. Some couples don't feel good about that and both want to have custody of their child. Adoption options include fost to adopt, or adoptions through private agencies. International adoption may also be possible for gay couples. Full joint adoption by gay men is legal in Andorra, Argentina, South Africa and Uruguay, among some others. The costs of adoption vary enormously depending on the method used.


Using a surrogate mother to carry a child for you is the other option open to gay couples. The advantage of this is that your child can be genetically related to at least one of the partners, or perhaps both if you have several children. Surrogate mothers are an increasingly popular road to parenthood for queer men, but before you decide that this is the way to go, please consider the legal aspects of surrogacy very carefully. Be sure to consult a lawyer independently from any surrogacy agencies you might use, and check your rights as well as the legal procedure to get custody of your baby. Once again, surrogacy to parenthood is easier in some states than others. If you are considering finding a surrogate mother in a state with legal surrogacy options, like California, while living in another state, be sure to also organize the procedure for bringing your child home very carefully in advance. For more information about the financial aspect, see surrogacy costs in the US.

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