Couples who have been trying to conceive a baby unsuccessfully for a long time are bound to feel some tensions. Not getting pregnant, doctors appointments and fertility treatments are all potential problems for a marriage. So, what is the secret to keeping your marriage healthy while you are struggling with infertility?
One British study conducted in Belfast showed that women were much more likely than the general population to be depressed after unsuccessful infertility treatment. That is hardly surprising, but what does that mean for a marriage? Funnily enough, another British source states that the divorce rate is much lower among couples who suffer from infertility than for the population at large 10 percent vs 50 percent! We are not psychologists, but we know from experience that the key to keeping your marriage as healthy as possible is to share your grief, and talk about your feelings. If you have a husband who has a different grieving style to yours, that can be a bit of a challenge. Some men love to pretend everything smells like soap and roses, while breaking on the inside. There are even women who have the same tendency.
If you suspect that the way you deal with your feelings around infertility is different to your husband's coping mechanism, couples counseling is definitely a good idea. Your counselor can point out what you both need from each other, and help you find ways to achieve it. Making time for each other and doing things that are totally unrelated to any baby-making ventures you might have on the go is also very important. Remember that you are two people who love each other for what you really are, and that your marriage is about that much more than having a baby. Perhaps doing fun things is even more important than talking about your feelings and infertility. What did you do when you first started going out together? Do you remember nights out, walks through the neighborhood, having cheap meals at your local fast food joint? Do you remember how you felt when you first fell in love? Try to revisit those times, be creative, and enjoy yourselves!